Moving back home

I am going to preface this with, I am not a writer so please forgive me for any grammatical errors I make. Its hard for me to get things out into words so have patience and I will eventually say what I mean....at least I hope! :-)

This weekend I am officially moving back home and my hubby and I are going to blend our families again. I have learned a lot about myself over these past two months. The number one lesson I have learned and I am still learning is to take one day at a time and to trust in God. God called me back to Him. He has always been there, but this time I turned to Him and listened. My faith has been sketchy at times...I grew up going to chruch when we lived in Davis. When we moved to Sonora we never did find another chruch. I did go with friends at times and I enjoyed that. I also went whenever we went to Grandma Esthers...but, that was about it. I don't think I ever knew what it meant to have a relationship with God until I met my boyfriend Sam (names changed). We started going to church together and got into a small group study and he even started having them at his house. We both volunteered in the children's ministry. I don't know why we started going and doing this...we just did. Well, after a while we broke up and I stopped going. A couple years later I married my first husband. I won't go into all of the details of that marriage but we had two beautiful children and I ended up moving out when my youngest was 1 years old. At that time God started calling to me again. I beagn going to church and got into "Divorce Care". I was actually reading the bible every night and really trying to apply what I learned in my everyday life. It really began to make me feel strong, I was exercising everyday and taking care of everything. I felt like I had some control in my life. I met my current husband about 3 years after that. He was a single dad. We seemed to have a lot in common and we both were very tired of doing the single parenting "thing". We were married within six months. I think combining a family is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life and without God in it, it was even that much harder. We tried the combining thing for about 4 years and I just couldn't take it anymore. Like I mentioned in my last post, I moved out. I couldn't take the stress, chaos, the fact that we were loosing our house and seeing that anything we tried to do to make it work was just not working. Before I moved out I could feel God calling me again. But, I was under so much stress I guess I couldn't hear. One day when I was dropping off my kids to see their dad I decided I would just take a walk....I went over to the mall that was nearby and just started walking and taking in what was actually going on. I walked for a while until I could find a place to sit down. I sat down and just sat there, watching the people go by... I guess I was trying to figure out what was going on in my life. Trying to sort things out. I had been living in the bedroom with my daughter for about 2 weeks now. I couldn't stand to be around my husband. My son was sleeping in there with us too. I just had to figure out what I was going to do....I must of sat there just thinking and watching people for about an hour. For some reason I happened to look over to my left and there was a Christian store that was the same store I had bought my cross and prayer from online. I thought to myself, wow that's cool. I will go in there. I know now that God sat me there in that chair so that I would see that store (eventually)...I thank God that he did because I don't think I would be where Im at today if He hadn't....well maybe I would. God is funny, He keeps calling to us until we listen. Anyway, I went in and bought another cross with a prayer and one for my Husband. I bought a shirt, pants and a sweat jacket all with prayers on them. I believe God filled me with His Holy Spirit right then and I needed all they prayers I could get....so, i bought them to wear. I was filled with hope. The girls in the store even prayed with me about my husband and I. I came home and gave the prayer necklace to my husband. During this time I was looking for rentals and just happen to find one, and I think it was within the next week I moved out. I signed a year long lease. During the two months I was away I went through feelings that I have never felt. I would just sit all alone with the house completely quiet and listen to God. I was getting peace and I was feeling it. I remember when I first moved out I felt like this was it between my husband and I, but I do remember hearing God say "NO" loud and clear on that one. I remember thinking there is no way I can move back into that chaos and hell... there was no hope. But, God told me to relax and just receive His peace. My husband and I had been to marriage classes, marriage counselors, christian marriage seminar and we even bought a book on stepfamilies written by christian author, Ron Deal. Never read it, but had good intentions to. Anyway, I was out surfing the net one day and decided to go back to author's website, Successful Stepfamilies. This was probably at least a month after leaving because there was no way I was going to try anything again. I was browsing around it and came across a link that took me to the authors page about "Christian Marriage Intensives". It showed me where the couples stay and that he himself, Ron Deal, does the intensive one on one with the couple. I thought to myself and God, well maybe that would help us. Have the actual author/counselor focusing just on us for three full days! Since we can't seem to read books then this would be perfect. Although it was extremely expensive, God mad a way for us to be able to go. My husband was ready and willing to go. It was the most wonderful experience. The people that hosted us at their house during that time were so filled with God that everytime I think of that place now a peace comes over me and I feel God. They were very humble and Ron Deal was very humble and genuine. It was amazing. Ron gave us the tools that we could bring back to work on ourselves and to use in stressful situations. We really haven't had to overcome to many obstacles yet because we are just moving back. The weekend we were driving home from seeing Ron we found out the family that we rented the house from needed to come back home....I believe that was God speaking that it was now time for us to move back in together and we wouldn't have to worry about the lease....God is good....I feel so much closer to God now and I thank Him everyday for all that He has given me and my family. Expecially bringing our families back together. He is awesome and can do miracles. I remember my husband saying it would be a miracle if we get back together...and it is!!!

Thank you GOD! I Love You God and help me to keep trusting in You! Now that we are back together as a family, I pray that we do get to keep our house, but if it is not your Will please direct us to where we can go and be settled soon. Amen.